How to Disappear by Sharon Huss Roat

Author:Sharon Huss Roat
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2017-07-11T04:00:00+00:00

20

AT HOME ON SATURDAY, I pull out my Siege of Jerusalem assignment and try to do some research online. I’m way behind, even with Lipton giving me notes and offering up his presentation slot. I last only about fifteen minutes before switching over to Instagram—just to check how many followers I have this morning.

I note my new total, 349,000, then decide to take a quick peek at some of the comments on my last few posts.

An hour later, I’m in deep, and instead of lifting me up today, Vicurious followers are dragging me down. I should’ve known to expect trolls, but I fooled myself into thinking I had created a place where no one would ridicule me or criticize. Behind the wig and sunglasses and crazy clothes and jewelry, I would be safe.

Silly me.

It seems when you reach a certain level of popularity, the haters come out of the woodwork to take you down. Some even have the word “hater” in their usernames. I can ignore the generic negativity in comments like “I don’t get it” or “This is stupid” or “Why? Just why?”

It’s the ones that hone in on me, on who I am and the decisions I’ve made. Those are the ones that really bother me, make me question and second-guess and worry that I’ve done something terribly wrong.

hipstrh8er that yin yang tat is kinda lame

I lift my shirt to look at the Sharpied symbol on my side. It’s obviously not a real tattoo. Or maybe he takes exception to using the yin-yang symbol at all? Someone else writes:

zzaakkattack yah a little cliché

I start stressing over it, because is it totally not cool? I never heard that before, but where would I hear that? Beth Ann is much cooler than I am and she drew the yin-yang on the toes of her shoes. It’s entirely possible, though, that Richardson High School itself is not the pinnacle of cool.

Then I start worrying that it’s offensive or something, that I’ve accidentally insulted someone. I start Googling and finding all these discussions of whether or not people who aren’t Chinese or Buddhist or Taoist should wear the yin-yang symbol at all, or if it’s cultural appropriation, and I’m not even sure what that means and my head is going to explode.

I take deep breaths. I scan the comments to see if anyone’s saying that, if anyone’s offended. But they’re not. Some chime in to defend me, to say it’s a positive thing, it’s universal. Anyone can use it if it means something to them.

And it does mean something to me. It’s the symbol of my friendship with Jenna, of the balance between us, the strengths and weaknesses, the ups and downs. Seeing it still gives me the tiniest hope that it’s not completely over, that our friendship will right itself in the end. So I try to push the yin-yang haters out of my mind. But that’s not the only thing people are complaining about.

One of my very first followers writes:

tanyazeebee Why don’t you follow anyone back? Only following 8, only 1 woman? That’s bullshit.

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